I think it is about time we all start talking about mental health

**WARNING! Long Read Ahead! But I do hope it is worth your time, so please do try to read it all. 

Some of you may know from speaking with me or reading my blog that I suffer from non-clinical depression. 

Recently it is not a huge deal for me, but in the past it has affected me pretty hard. I still have occasional bouts with it, but over-all I have been doing pretty well. 

As someone who has come to a point in my life that I need to devote a substantial portion of my focus in maintaining my "Mental Health," I wanted to start a discussion. 

I believe it is high-time that we, as a society, start talking about mental health. I feel it should be a normal subject. One that we can converse about as openly and judgement-free as when we talk about our diet or fitness goals. 

In the 20th century many topics such as manias, phobias, retardation, depression, anxiety and the like were looked upon as blights, things to be embarrassed about. Sufferers and their loved ones were quick to stomp out any trace of these. 

2 prime examples of this are:

1. The infamous Twilight Zone episode with none other than Billy Shatner, where he is overcoming a manic episode while traveling by airplane, only to be overcome himself. In that episode we get a very real feel of the public opinion of the '60s on the subject of mental health and medication that some may need. This can be watched on Netflix.
2. The treatment of Rosemary Kennedy. This was a fun-loving, bright girl that was born into a family in the limelight. She was born with mental deficiencies that left her a bit behind her aspiring siblings, and this led her father to hide her due to fears that her condition would hurt the political career of him and his sons. Her life was later destroyed by a nascent procedure directed to 'fix' cases like hers called Lobotomy. The account of what they did, how they did it, and its after-effects make a chilling tale. More info on that is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosemary_Kennedy#Appearance_at_court

These examples serve to show that mental health, from mild depression or mania to extreme retardation or handicaps, have, within the past 100 years, been seen as a blight on the human populace, and need to be resolved swiftly and discreetly. 

Even after great social strides, the end of the 20th century still showed a great degree of negativity to the subject. Psychiatrists and counselors were given the nickname "shrink," and "quack." 

Now, don't get me wrong. I feel that here in 2015 we are in a very safe place. Depression is being spoken about, those with autism are being understood (I mean, just go read Carly's Voice! Amazing!), and overall the public is very open to the need for someone to get help with some mental battles, small or large. 

Pixar is slated to release a movie that covers a lot of this, it looks like. It (from what I have gleaned from the trailers) is going to explore the idea of a young girl that is affected with deep sadness, a sadness that is kind of out of her control. The movie looks like it will attribute this to the small, feeling-people in her head. However, for many of us there are small or large chemical imbalances, or extenuating circumstances that drastically effect how our mind works, and we end up with a need to chemically correct it, or seek counseling or therapy. 

I myself have never taken medication, but have had therapy and external helps. I would be lost without them! Today my amazing wife Nita serves as a caretaker to me whenever things do go awry for me upstairs. 

Now I feel I should point out that I do not feel that we embrace these issues, and welcome them. Some would argue that, since these mental health issues are part of us, they are beautiful and we should celebrate our anxiety and be happy it is one of our traits. I do not agree with this. The same way I do not agree with the idea that we should embrace obesity as beautiful.

This post is to liken Mental Health with Physical Health. In today's society we see the need to better ourselves physically. We set goals, team up with people, we talk with positivity towards getting our body in better shape. I think it is high time we do the same for our mental health. 

And some people have extreme physical disabilities that they receive aid for. Barring the most terrible of humans, people do not see someone in a wheelchair as someone shameful, degraded, broken. Granted, in the literal sense of the term they are 'broken,' but time has shown us that a great number of people in wheelchairs are fully-capable humans. I feel it is the same with anyone who has severe mental disabilities. 

In this life, we may run into someone who has some love handles. We may also run into someone that gets slightly anxious on occasion. 

We may run into someone who has a pretty tough time not eating too much sugar. Likewise we may run into someone who has kinda severe bouts with depression every month or so. 

Then we may encounter someone who is a paraplegic. Comparatively we may also run into someone who has some serious inner demons or mental handicaps that will need some special care. 

I think we, as a race of flesh bags on this rock that launches around a ball of gas in space, have come a long distance in caring for and understanding our neighbor. And for that we should celebrate. I do feel that there is always room for improvement, and on this I hold the opinion:

Let's start talking about mental health. Let's address the betterment of ourselves and our neighbors the same way we do physical health. One can go to a therapist, and another to a personal trainer. The more we can go to each other for help and support without feeling like we are being judged for being broken, the easier it will be for us all to overcome our difficulties, and to better ourselves. Maybe let's not call therapists shrinks, or call people basket cases, or looney. Maybe instead of saying "She suffers from mental issues" we say "She is working on her mental heath." I don't say that someone who works out or runs daily is "Suffering from physical issues." No, I understand that they are just working on making the physical part of their being a little better. 

I know a lot of this is spelled out in our own individual charters or religions, but I felt it could use a bit more clarification as well as exposure. 

In this post I have drawn a number of parallels between those working on Mental Health and those working on Physical Health. This is for comparison only. Please understand that I know that many, if not all people, are working on both mental and physical health. Some people may only need to trim their waistline while at the same time see a therapist for anxiety. Others may just be slowly working on not being so judgmental while needing to have a doctor's help to recover from obesity at the same time. 

Mental health can encompass anything we are working on mentally, from being nicer to others to learning how to communicate while being autistic, the same way that physical health can encompass working on anything with our external bodies, from exfoliating your skin to going to physical therapy to recover from a spinal injury. 

And as always, if anyone who would like to know more about the mind of one with depression, feel free to ask me about it as much as you want, for I have found that the more I can unearth the mysteries of my mind to myself and others, the easier it is for me to deal with episodes when they come, the same way dieters can rely on that friend of theirs when they slip up and hit up McDonalds. 

Please leave comments or questions below, or on my facebook post about this, or email me privately at featon@outlook.com.

And please feel free to share this to anyone you would like to. I would love for this message to be spread to as many as want to be a part of it. 

Perspective has taken away my memories

When my father died I was sure that I remembered plenty of him. As a child people always commented how hard it must be for me to lose my father at an age that I would not remember much of him. At that time I thought they were crazy, and that I remembered plenty of my father.

As I have grown I have had a chance to compare and contrast the memories I have of my father to those of my siblings, and even other people with the memories they have of their fathers.

As time goes by I realize how right everyone was. I have very little memories of my father. In fact, by now I am sure half of these memories I manufactured myself from all the stories told of my father so many times.

I do miss you dad. I cannot wait to get to know you better.

I promise I am not being stuck up

So many times in my life I run into people that I know. I may have met them in school, on the mission, in church...

And almost every time I hesitate to greet them. Sometimes I pretend not to see them at all and move on.

I promise I am not being stuck up.

I am socially inept. I am depressed. This causes me to question whether or not you really care to see me. So I take the 'safe' road and avoid the interaction.

Please never take it personally.

Today I celebrate a very special lady.

Today I celebrate the love of my life: Nita.

I first met Nita at a college party. All throughout dating her I was blown away by her kindness. My brother Carson and I always spoke of how we would like to marry a girl whose "kindness bangs a gong." That was a line from one of our favorite songs. 

I can say today that Nita fits that description. She embodies all that is good in this world. One of my favorite jokes to tell is that Nita is perfect in every way, except her spelling. And the reason for that is, if she was able to spell well, then she would be translated, for she would have nothing left to work on. 

Through Tommy's birth, life and death, through Julie and Lewis' births and lives, through my own

foolhardiness....

through it all she remains a smiling beacon of friendliness and hope. 

As a sufferer of depression, having her by my side in this battle is second only to the Atonement on the list of things that have helped me the most. 

I am constantly amazed at what my children know, how they behave, and the respect they show. All this from the daily routines, cares, and lessons she gives them in her full-time job as their caregiver. 

Nita has shown immense fortitude and faith in the 4 pregnancies she has experienced. With each one she is stricken with what is called Hyperemesis Gravidarium. This confines her to bed for 3-4 months, drains her body of all strength, and usually required hospitalization so she can receive nutrients directly to her heart. The last pregnancy almost took out her kidneys. Yet despite all this she loves her kids, endures the pain, and sacrifices herself during that time so they can come to this world.

If anyone knows me you will know the wreck I was in my earlier years. Rebellious, disrespectful, hurtful, unfaithful...

Nita has been a powerful example during these 6 years of marriage. And through this example she has inspired me to be a better person. 

She has been beside me for many an adventure. She has been with be for campouts, family outings, walks, talks, movies, games, drives, new CDs, sunsets, sunrises, birth, life, death, love, depression, and laughs. 

And I don't even need to mention how sexy she is ;)

Nita, thank you for everything. Happy 27th birthday. I love you so much!

Are you kidding me? You're not worth anything

is what I tell myself when I am depressed. I don't mean to. I am not actively making that decision to be so mean.

"Seriously, look at your friends. Ever wonder why they have more friends, had more girlfriends, were better liked, have better jobs, do better in school, or have achieved more? BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU."

Man, when did I get so mean? And why am I only mean to myself?

"IT'S NOT JUST TO YOURSELF. YOU'RE MEAN TO EVERYONE. NO ONE CAN STAND BEING AROUND YOU. THAT IS WHY HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE."

This is what my internal voice sounds like. This is how I talk to myself when I am depressed. When you see me sad and wonder "Well, why can't he just be happy?" This is why. I am not just sad, but actively berating myself. For every happy thought I try to conjure up, I am convincing myself that I am not worth that thought.

So, what should you do for me when I am depressed? "Well, he's pretty sad. I know, I will actively let him know what he means to me and how wonderful he is" seems like a noble enough gesture. Unfortunately it's nobility is its only positive trait. A thought as that, no matter how well-intentioned, would destroy me. Want to hear what the inner-me would say about that?

"Geez, you hear that? That pity? They pity you. They feel so bad about how terrible you are that they are forcing themselves to make up whatever they can or remember whatever scrap of decency you may have shown in the past and blowing it out of proportion just to help you not feel so pathetic. Not only is it sad that they have to go to those lengths, but you're not even worthy of their attempts."

So I would respond with something to dismiss whatever good words are directed my way. What does that do? It fuels the deliverer. They feel with MORE positive words they can break down the tough wall you are putting up. It's kind of like reverse quicksand. In quicksand if you struggle more you sink deeper. With my depression, the more positivity that is thrown at it the deeper I go.


*this post is not as finished as I would like it to be. I had intentions to go more in-depth, and the post itself has been in draft on my blog for a few months now. However, recent fervor over depression and suicide in the wake of Robin William's suicide has spurred me to publish it now, if only to provide a snapshot into the mind of one that suffers from depression. I hope to cover the subject a lot more in the future. 

10 Year Reunion

Had a very fun weekend at my 10 year high school reunion. It was interesting to see everyone again.

In the morning we met up Adam's Elementary school. Many brought their kids and let them play as we all visited. I actually liked this part the best, as we had time to just chat and catch up. I felt very awkward, as I wanted to go talk to everyone, but wasn't sure who would even want to talk to me. People were already catching up with each other as well, and I did not want to butt into any conversations I was not welcome in.

Then in the evening, we all got babysitters and met up at the old High School. Fongs catered, and we played games and voted on class superlatives. Nita and I won as the ones who had to overcome the most since High School, due to Tommy's passing. It was pretty funny when they nominated us, they asked "So anyone want to challenge 'Death of a child?'"

It felt very good telling everyone about his passing. I know many worried that they shouldn't ask about it, but I always love talking about him.

The evening was fun, but it was hard that most came to the evening event, and that is the one where we did not get much 'mingle' time.

But overall it was great, and I really enjoyed myself. Super glad I got to see everyone. 

Yet again, one more weekend camping trip!

And yes, this one is heavy laden with pictures as well :)

We had set up camp at one location, only to find the rest of our group found a better spot and were setting up there. This was our lazy-man solution to get our tents from one spot to the other. 

It looks a little weird in this picture, but we had decided to try out an internet tip for making s'mores. You put the chocolate and mallows in a pan, heat them up, then dip graham crackers in it. I must say, this is now my preferred s'more method. 

Jeff sure had a fun time. We even let him herd some cattle that were wanting to traipse through our camp site. 

Luckily we stayed pretty warm in our tent. Nita was awesome and let Lewis and I sleep in. We had been up a good part of the night, so this was very appreciated. 

I was so happy to have Julie associating with who I like to refer to as my 'second parents.' Ron and Diane Tietjen have played a huge part in my education and growth, and I am really glad that Julie has had some of that now. 

Diane spent a good portion of the morning playing with the kids at the stream

Julie had tons of fun showing her how she could jump into the water

Um, excuse me, sir? I believe there is a baby in my camping gear.

All in all, a great weekend. We are in the camping fever and loving it. 

Camping!

Had a great time camping this week up in the Kelly Canyon area. I left this post more picture-oriented for all the aunties and grandmas out there. Enjoy!